So now you know all about my high school. Now we can get to the good stuff. When my senior year started, I didn’t really know what I wanted. All I really knew was that I didn’t have a boyfriend, and that I wasn’t sure if I wanted one. The school was arranging a concert, where all the students that chose the “road” of music or dance (I forgot to tell you, but dance is almost the same as music, only they have dance and we have music) could participate. I was thinking about joining in, and me and a friend, Maria, preformed My Immortal, by Evanescence. Before we preformed I told everyone why I chose that specific song, which was because I love that song. It means the world to me, because it makes me see all the happy moments I had with my two grandfathers, whom have both passed away.
I think there were a lot of teary eyes, I almost started to cry myself, but I managed to sing it through. Then Michael was the next one up. He sang a song that he wrote himself, called “faces and fingerprints”. The lyrics was about how we all just go through life without asking questions, and just end up with being faces on pass photos and fingerprints in a criminal register, a really interesting song.
While I was watching him up on stage, I realized that he was kind of hot, or not just kind of hot, really hot. I smiled at him when he was finished, and he came and sat by me. We talked a little while the stage people got the stage ready for the next number, dancing. I asked him how his summer was, “It was really great, and Roskilde was mad fun! I missed this though, school I mean, and all you guys.” He looked me in the eyes when he said that last part, so I got the feeling he was missing me the most. I don’t really know what went through his head when he said it, we never talked about it, but I just might be a little conceited and just imagine it all, but I don’t know. I saw something new in his eyes while we spoke, I can’t really put my finger on what, even now, seven months later, I just saw that something was changed.
A little about my coming out may be in order, and I see now that I should tell you about the whole dancer and what happened. I first came out to one of my new friends back in my first year of High School, Carrie; telling her about me maybe thinking I was bi. Later I came to realize that I wasn’t bi, I was gay, but we'll get there soon enough. I first fell for a guy in my own class, and told him I liked him. His reactions was not good, he got mad and didn’t speak to me again for about half a year. I also came out to my sister Lilly and my older brother Tom, they were all like "We love you no mather what" and Tom even thought it was all just a phase. Then I met the dancer, it was around that time I came out to all my friends about being bi, and they all said they were just waiting for me to tell them. No-one had any bad reactions, except off Edward, whom was the guy I fell for. It was around this time me and the dancer, Chris, started to have some kind of flirty tone when we spoke, At one point Carrie just blured out "oh my gosh, I think he really likes you, he's like, all shy and red when he sees you, but his eyes light up as if you were an angel or something like that". I, naïve as i am, really got my hopes up, and started to think "maybe he really is into me, he's just a little shy about ut!" How could I've been so wrong?
One night at a party at the famous Lidendhall, me and Chris just hung out, talking and maybe flirting a little bit. The music was really loud, so we had to stand close. Then suddenly someone bumped into me really hard, and I ended up kissing Chris. I remember how embarrassed I felt, I wanted to just run away, and never turn back, but Chris just pulled me in and kissed me for what felt like hours and hours. His tongue in my mouth, his 3-days-beard tickling just slightly, it all felt so wonderful. After that I thought to myself, maybe we’re going to end up as boyfriends now? The party ended and I had to go home. He lived just a short walk from school, and the party, so he walked home. I had to be picked up by my mom, and we drove home in silence. I was after all in an amazing afterglow. The day after the party, at school, I went to talk to him. We sat at a bench outside the school in the lunch hour and just talked. We ended up talking about the party and he ended up telling me how sorry he was for kissing me, he had gotten way too much to drink, and he couldn’t think clearly. I was heartbroken.
28/02/2009
Smiles faded when I told, chapter 1
I think I’ll start with telling you all a little bit more about myself. I was born in Oslo, the capitol of Norway. I have one older and one younger brother, Tom (23) and Eric (15), and a younger sister, Lilly (17). I now live with my mother and father, my two younger siblings, our dogs and our cat. We live out in the country, can’t call my home place for a town, it’s too small to fit in that category.
I go to high school about an hour away from home by bus, but by car it takes about 20-25 minutes. Its crazy getting up at 6 in the morning, and be at school 0730, when school starts at 08:00, every single day. The school systems are a bit different in Norway compared both with the US, Canada and Great Brittan. In high school we get to choose between about 20 different “roads”. You can go with ordinary school (biology, chemistry, English, math, German and so on), which is almost the same as the American way, or you can chose music (you still have math and all the other boring classes, but not biology, chemistry, physics and all those, instead you have choir, instrumental lesions, the history of music and other cool classes that all have to do with music) or sports (Almost the same as music, but instead of music, they have different sports). All these are 3-year-“roads” And then there are a whole lot of “roads” whom end up in you being an apprentice, like construction worker, mechanic, electrician and others.
I walk on the “music road”, and have choir, singing lesions, composing and other hard, music-related subjects, as well as Norwegian, German, English, P.E., Science Math, Religion, History, Social studies and Geography, all divided into 3 years with 35 lesion-hours a week. My first year I had 5 hours of choir, dance and drama, 5 hours with English, 5 hours with math, 5 hours with science, 4 hours with German, 2 hours with instrumental studies, 2 hours with “The founds of music”, 4 hours with Norwegian and 3 hours with “usable music studies”. It was a though year, way too much to do, with homework and all. But I got through. This was also the year I came to realize I was into boys and not girls and all the good and the bad stuff with the dancer happened this year. I had few good friends in my class, even though everyone was friendly enough. Michael was my only stable guy friend; he had no problems with me being gay, since he after all was bi himself. And then there was Andrea, the best friend I’ve ever had. This year my friendship with Michael grew a lot because we hung out almost every day. We played PS2, or just talked, watched a whole lot of movies (no, no porno) and just had fun.
My second year was a little different from my first. I no longer had science or English, music, dance and drama, “the founds of music” or “Usable music studies”, now I had geography 2 hours a week, Social studies 3 hours a week, History 2 hours a week, musical history 5 hours a week, P.E. 2 hours a week, Norwegian 4 hours a week, German 4 hours a week, math 3 hours a week, choir and band 3 hours a week, instrumental studies 2 hours a week, composing and musical theory 3 hours a week and musical sharing 2 hours a week. This was also a though year, and I went through a depression, and got an eating disorder this year. I also worked on getting over the dancer, which was really hard. Michael and I still hung out a lot, but not as much as last year. I started to get more friends now, I kind of came out of my shell, even though I had a depression. Isn’t that weird?
Then my senior year came along. This was the year everything changed. It all started when Michael got a little too much to drink at a party, and just went ahead and kissed me. At that point I knew I was into him, really into him, you know? Not just as friends, but as something more. I wanted him.
I go to high school about an hour away from home by bus, but by car it takes about 20-25 minutes. Its crazy getting up at 6 in the morning, and be at school 0730, when school starts at 08:00, every single day. The school systems are a bit different in Norway compared both with the US, Canada and Great Brittan. In high school we get to choose between about 20 different “roads”. You can go with ordinary school (biology, chemistry, English, math, German and so on), which is almost the same as the American way, or you can chose music (you still have math and all the other boring classes, but not biology, chemistry, physics and all those, instead you have choir, instrumental lesions, the history of music and other cool classes that all have to do with music) or sports (Almost the same as music, but instead of music, they have different sports). All these are 3-year-“roads” And then there are a whole lot of “roads” whom end up in you being an apprentice, like construction worker, mechanic, electrician and others.
I walk on the “music road”, and have choir, singing lesions, composing and other hard, music-related subjects, as well as Norwegian, German, English, P.E., Science Math, Religion, History, Social studies and Geography, all divided into 3 years with 35 lesion-hours a week. My first year I had 5 hours of choir, dance and drama, 5 hours with English, 5 hours with math, 5 hours with science, 4 hours with German, 2 hours with instrumental studies, 2 hours with “The founds of music”, 4 hours with Norwegian and 3 hours with “usable music studies”. It was a though year, way too much to do, with homework and all. But I got through. This was also the year I came to realize I was into boys and not girls and all the good and the bad stuff with the dancer happened this year. I had few good friends in my class, even though everyone was friendly enough. Michael was my only stable guy friend; he had no problems with me being gay, since he after all was bi himself. And then there was Andrea, the best friend I’ve ever had. This year my friendship with Michael grew a lot because we hung out almost every day. We played PS2, or just talked, watched a whole lot of movies (no, no porno) and just had fun.
My second year was a little different from my first. I no longer had science or English, music, dance and drama, “the founds of music” or “Usable music studies”, now I had geography 2 hours a week, Social studies 3 hours a week, History 2 hours a week, musical history 5 hours a week, P.E. 2 hours a week, Norwegian 4 hours a week, German 4 hours a week, math 3 hours a week, choir and band 3 hours a week, instrumental studies 2 hours a week, composing and musical theory 3 hours a week and musical sharing 2 hours a week. This was also a though year, and I went through a depression, and got an eating disorder this year. I also worked on getting over the dancer, which was really hard. Michael and I still hung out a lot, but not as much as last year. I started to get more friends now, I kind of came out of my shell, even though I had a depression. Isn’t that weird?
Then my senior year came along. This was the year everything changed. It all started when Michael got a little too much to drink at a party, and just went ahead and kissed me. At that point I knew I was into him, really into him, you know? Not just as friends, but as something more. I wanted him.
Smiles faded when I told, introduction
Hi, I’m Jon. I’m an average looking, dark blond long hair, green-blue eyes and a cute smile. I’m 184 cm above the ground, and a bit of an emotional guy. I’ve been anorectic, but not anymore. I sing, a lot, I love it, and need it. I go mad without it. It was through singing I found myself. I found myself when I was about 16-17. That’s when I feel in love for the first time, the first time I gave it a thought anyways. You see, the first love in my life was a guy.
The guy was a dancer, a really good and hot dancer. His smile melted my heart; his voice did make my skin crawl. It never worked out, though we had one really hot make-out session. He was more into his own kind, another dancer, than me, he just used me I guess. He moved away after a year anyways.
A year went by, and because of all the work with school I didn’t have the time to see anyone. In the beginning of my senior year, I’m now at the end of my senior year, I saw Michael with new eyes. He sang some of his own songs, and the lyrics kind of made my heart melt a little. His green-brown eyes were deeper than I ever noticed before; his smile had an even stronger melting effect on my heart than the dancer ever had. We got a long really well; good friends and all, but I wanted something more. Everyone knew he was bi, and everyone knew I was gay, but I never dared to even think he would ever be mine.
I hope you like the introduction. This is the story of my senior year; finding love, myself and who my real friends were, and are, is what I’m going to tell you about. I won’t tell you anymore about the dancer, we never spoke again after he moved away, but I will tell you more about both me and Michael, and about me finding my way.
The guy was a dancer, a really good and hot dancer. His smile melted my heart; his voice did make my skin crawl. It never worked out, though we had one really hot make-out session. He was more into his own kind, another dancer, than me, he just used me I guess. He moved away after a year anyways.
A year went by, and because of all the work with school I didn’t have the time to see anyone. In the beginning of my senior year, I’m now at the end of my senior year, I saw Michael with new eyes. He sang some of his own songs, and the lyrics kind of made my heart melt a little. His green-brown eyes were deeper than I ever noticed before; his smile had an even stronger melting effect on my heart than the dancer ever had. We got a long really well; good friends and all, but I wanted something more. Everyone knew he was bi, and everyone knew I was gay, but I never dared to even think he would ever be mine.
I hope you like the introduction. This is the story of my senior year; finding love, myself and who my real friends were, and are, is what I’m going to tell you about. I won’t tell you anymore about the dancer, we never spoke again after he moved away, but I will tell you more about both me and Michael, and about me finding my way.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
